Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Review: Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever

Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge

Source: ARC provided by Amazon Vine

Rating:  3/5

For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.)

Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant.

So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism.

Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?

My Thoughts:
The synopsis of this one caught my eye and it sounded different enough that I thought I'd give it a chance. Was a little disappointing, but still an okay read.

Jane's family was turned during the 1930s and are not independently wealthy, suave, or sophisticated. Nice change of pace, as most vampires sound too good to be true. I always wondered why vampires had so much money at their disposal. Even with their long lives, you still have to have money in order to benefit from all that lovely compound interest. And wouldn't the banks eventually get suspicious? Jane's father works for a living, and they are anything but wealthy. Maybe the rich vampires rob their victims? Sorry..l digress.

Poor Jane is forever stuck as an awkward teenager, but her younger brother has it worse as he will be ten years old forever. Poor guy! But the family is close-knit and love one another, which is another nice change of pace. Most vampires are moody and dysfunctional, and this is only the second vampire family I've ever read about.

Liked that Jane knew she was different but still acted like a typical teenager, even though she had close to a century under her belt. No one is more surprised than she is to have the attention of not one, but two boys! She's such a little nerd that I couldn't help but like her!

This was just an okay story; nothing earth shattering but still an overall pleasant read. Appreciated the sense of humor woven throughout the story, which wasn't snarky or mean. Jane moans about her situation, but everyone loves and supports each other and I never got the sense of any real jeopardy. Think this would be a good story for middle grades, as it was a cute, fast read.

This ARC was provided by the Amazon Vine Program in exchange for an honest review.


  1. Interesting premise. Its so refreshing to read about normal looking vampires. I am a bit over the beautiful, broody type at the moment. I'm assuming that the humans in this world know about the vampires? Sounds good enough for a peek :)

  2. Shame you rate this as just ok as it sounded wonderful up until that point. Actually it sounds to me that it could make a good spoof film.

  3. glad you liked it but sorry to hear it wasn't better. oh well :-/